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Get Over ItAn article in the Washington Post earlier this week called attention to an interesting phenomenon in human behavior, the tendency of people to overestimate the pain they
will suffer from some future loss or other bad experience. Presented in the context of why passionate supporters of losing candidates or political parties turn out to be significantly happier than they had predicted they would be under the circumstances, this bit of psychological research has some resonance for us even beyond the recent elections. It turns out that as a species we are more resilient than we think we are.
Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert, author of a new book Stumbling on Happiness, has found that people do not hurt nearly as much as they fear they are going to hurt, even in the case of the loss of a child or some comparably horrible experience. It's not
that we get over these tragedies, or experience no sadness or grief; instead, posits Gilbert, we find that life does go on and that things other than the pain of the negative experience require our attention. Yet this appears to be something we can't easily imagine in advance. This may explain, at least in part, why so many people are so risk-averse. The fear of pain and hurt is actually more severe than the pain itself, preventing us from taking
chances in life, both large and small. Indeed, if you scratch below the surface of many of our most common fears, you'll find that they are basically fears of loss and the attendant pain. Life in many organizations today may actually exacerbate this very human tendency, as safety nets have been removed and the sense of job insecurity has grown. The fear of adverse action may loom so large that managers and employees alike hew closely to
the existing path, even if it isn't getting them where they want to go. It's not a failure of imagination that keeps them stuck in the old rut, but an overactive imagination focused on possible future pain and suffering. Leaders, like the rest of us, are only human, and they're subject to the same quirks of human behavior. Magnified by the sense of responsibility for other people's unhappiness
or pain, a leader's fear of dire consequences may keep him from taking the kind of risks required to move the organization forward into an uncertain future. So, one aspect of the work of leadership is to look beyond the fear to a more realistic assessment of one's own likely future emotional state, perhaps by grounding it in actual experience from one's own past. A wise counselor once told me that you can't grieve a loss in advance, so why not
assume success and enjoy the anticipation of it. I didn't fully appreciate that advice at the time, but experience has taught me that you'll get a lot more juice out of life if you approach it with an open heart, staring right back at the fear. After all, things are never as bad as you think they are going to be, and most likely, even if they are, they won't stay that way for long. Coaching is a great way of unearthing your own fears for the future and helping you to
confront them. Let's talk about how coaching can work for you. Call (410)626-6008, or email info@bloomfieldassociates.com. 
Make a list of all the decisions in your life that you have been either avoiding or postponing. For each one, list the fears you hold about possible negative consequences of deciding one way versus another.
For each of those fears, try to recall a similar situation in the past, either your own experience or one you were privy to as a close observer. Did the pain or hurt that was most feared actually come to pass? What actually happened? Now return to the list of your current fears, and write a different, more positive scenario for each decision. In what ways could you be underestimating your own ability to cope with an undesirable outcome?
What do you think it would take for you to stay in a more positive emotional posture as you consider what your decision will be? |
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More than one-third of retirees are planning to return to the workforce to gain the "personal satisfaction" of working, according to recent survey results compiled by global
human resource consultancy DMB. Middle managers are the "most resilient" members of the workforce, according to PsyMax Solutions, a human capital assessment company. They are better able to accept criticism, manage stress and bounce back from frustration and disappointments-even more so than executives and CEOs. 93% of people work with someone who is rude, abrasive, doesn't follow through and
hogs the credit-yet who never suffers corporate consequences for such misbehavior, says a new online poll by VitalSmarts. 94% claim that peers, direct reports and bosses are "usually fully aware of what is going on," and 91% say the problem has persisted for more than a year without being addressed. 
Regurgimailer A friend or colleague who forwards everything that lands in their inbox to everyone they know without checking to see if it's true or even new. (from Buzzwack.com) 
 The Emotionally Intelligent Manager, by David R. Caruso and Peter Salovey. What I like about it: The authors argue that emotions are not separate from, but rather an integral part of thought and reason, and offer a
simple and useful model for developing and using emotional skills to tackle tough management challenges. Based on solid research and grounded in practical application.
Beth Bloomfield
Executive Coach, Strategy Consultant
Principal, Bloomfield Associates Share what you're into - books, articles, movies, music, websites - with others on the
list! Send us the title and author or other pertinent information, along with a sentence or two on what you like about it, and if we use it in A Different Optic we'll not only quote you, we'll provide a link to you or your website. |
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"The excursion is the same when you go looking for your sorrow as when you go looking for your joy."
-- Eudora Welty | | Do you know someone else who might be interested in reading this? Send it to them now by clicking here.
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